How Do You Make Me Feel?

In this world of interactions and relationships, we often assess the value a person holds in our lives by the emotions that we experience when we are in their presence or when we think about them. There are a large number of elements at play here which determine which aspect of our life we would share with this person, how much we can trust them and even, how much effort we would like to put into this relationship.

 

I recently heard something that there is a difference between how we feel about a person and how a person makes us feel. Now, if you're like me, you're probably scratching your head thinking how they are different. I had to actually sit back and reflect at what each of the statements meant and this led me to a very interesting finding. Let me explain-

How we feel about a person is a more objective evaluation of the way a person acts and behaves towards us and the people around them, It refers to the qualities we attribute to that person such as they are smart, they are helpful, they are funny etc. This could be based on our personal judgement and also the judgement of other people and their reactions to this particular person. Essentially, how we feel about a person  has more to do with their qualities or misgivings than anything else.

But how a person makes you feel is a bit more complicated than this. It talks about Your feelings, whether it is when you are around that person, when you interact with them or even when you think about them. This could even include how you feel about the way they treat you or how they do not treat you. How someone makes you feel is much more subjective and totally dependent on how You Feel by their actions or inactions.

You may be thinking, why is this relevant? This is relevant because more often than not, we confuse the above two scenarios and focus on the objective qualities of a person to rank them as good or superior but decide to ignore the way they make us feel which further leads to pain and hurt. A person can be the nicest and smartest person you know and yet, they may make you feel ignored or unimportant but you may choose to not pay attention to that feeling because of the way you feel about that person.

I realise what I am talking about here is not as easy as I would like it to be and, in some cases, a bit painful as well. But this is just another example of how sometimes, we tend to give people more space and credibility in our lives than they are worthy of. We, unconsciously, give people a significant amount of control over our lives and emotions and forget that it is us who have given them that power. 

So, I hope the next time you feel a certain way because of someone or are willing to better understand what place someone may hold in your life, ask yourself; How does this person make me feel? Trust me, if you ask sincerely enough, you will have your answer.