What If?

So, from time to time, I have some weird thoughts or scenarios in my head that may or may not have the possibility of ever being true and I am often amazed at how I usually react to their plausibility. I have reacted with intense emotions for seemingly frivolous events that would, if they were to happen, barely affect my life as I know it. And then there are such times when I become the most practical and rational and even nonchalant person in the face of something that has the potential of turning my entire life upside down. Funny, huh? Something similar happened this morning;

            Laying under the covers on a lazy Saturday morning, I opened my eyes to complete darkness and the first thought that popped in my head was, "Did I lose my sight?" Now if you don't know me, you would think that is a ridiculous assumption to make but if you do know me in person, you would either, roll your eyes and say I am at my dark humor again, or get awkward and uncomfortable. Settle down, I can still see! Yet, that thought had me wondering, what if? I didn't feel like lifting the covers to check if my hypothesis was correct or cry about it, my immediate reaction was, "Meh, I am going back to sleep, I will deal with this when I wake up." Obviously, I didn't fall back asleep since I am an overthinker by nature Yyyyaaayyy

            I kind of started running through what I was gonna do if it had actually happened. And the part that surprised me the most was that I did not panic. I was methodical and reasonable in what I would and wouldn't be able to do and how I was to approach the situation. Now, you are probably wondering why I am sharing this here, well, I will tell you.

            Often, when someone is living with a chronic illness, disability or even a bad life situation, we often tell them to not think of the worse case scenario and stay positive. What has always bothered me about the statement is why are the two mutually exclusive? Why can’t I keep a positive and optimistic outlook to life and yet be mentally prepared in case my life decides to tumble down the hill.

            If I have learnt one thing in life that is certain, it is the uncertain and unpredictable nature of it all, and for some people, the uncertain part is what defines every step and every action they take. For them, accepting what may or may not happen is what keeps them going, for a denial of it all would lead to a complete loss of control and, as a result, life as they know it.